bonjour.
enjoy the blog.
its all me, the real me. if only i knew what that was
i speak randomly, on random topics...
especially ones that come to mind at 3 in the morning
hate it love it, whatever - your opinion is yours :)
introduction
enjoy the blog.
its all me, the real me. if only i knew what that was
i speak randomly, on random topics...
especially ones that come to mind at 3 in the morning
hate it love it, whatever - your opinion is yours :)
this is me.
the names graciie and i'm just the typical crazy out of control teenager
i love to be daring, i love to do things that leave me on the edge
especially, with my friends :D
i live for laughs and smiles, and being the reason for these on peoples faces
summer is the bomb, getting that lovely summer glow/bronze is *sigh* refreshing
and yuup2 thats it
webmistress and archives
❝ f a l l i n g ❞
so, not so much an uplifting post anymore. Things have been happening my grandpa passed away and in less than a few months my grandma followed, and although I wasn't as close to them as I liked... I loved them a lot ! They were my family, their blood runs in my veins and my emotional response to this has been delayed but things have been so hard recently.
I cry myself to sleep half the time, internally i'm hurting so bad that it feels like i'm been split in two. The pain at times is so unbearable where I just want to lie in my bed and hope that I won't wake up.
I know thats SO DEPRESSING, SO BEYOND EMO. but that's the honest truth at the moment. My spiritual and relationship with God has plundered significantly. I feel like i'm moving further and further away from him, i'm just falling and falling to the point where i feel no-one is going to catch me. But the thing is, that I like it. Falling away from God, i mean, and I shouldn't ! I don't want it to be like this, I want things to go back to the way they were.. I feel tired and weak I guess, I haven't had the strength to fight back against this feeling of... unexplainable and wrong relief. I want things to go back to where:
Where my smile was not just a facade, but was pure and came from the inside out
Where love was all that i wanted to do and all that i wanted to show
Where God was all that needed and wanted in my life
i'm so lost ! I don't want lectures on how i shouldn't be like this, on how I need God on how I should be this or not be this. I don't know what I want, I know what I need, but ...
I disgust myself.
Monday, June 7, 2010 @ 10:02:00 PM
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Dedicated: to cynthia
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